Untuk menyelesaikan WP kali ini bersama @kitajatim
Finally, after so long time, I’m back to Indonesia. I spent almost a semester about what would I do in the future since I wrote my thesis but… There’s a big BUT in here, I don’t know what to do after graduation. So, I re-read again all my diary entries when I did Konmari a few months ago. There’s one dream left in my list before graduation. What’s that? Going abroad, whatever program is.
For short story, when I did university entrance exam preparation in 2012, I’ve been accepted to Turkish Education Scholarship, a scholarship platform for international student, majoring in an education-related program for five years. However, my parents opposed the idea of living in Turkey because of the unstable political condition. I’ve failed my mawapres and national debate twice, the first I’ve got in five ranks in management then got 6 ranks in faculty level. The prize was being student exchange in Thailand. So, yeah after repeat failures, I chose to give up. I admitted that I was so weak, ended up crying alone after competed in several competition, scholarship-hunting, and also love failures (hahaha). Then I realized that I’ve got severe depressions due significant level of stress.
I wrote my thesis, my reports, but everything that I did seems to lack. I realized that suddenly I lack on my self-confidence for a long time. I’m unable to speak out, I let someone take over me, I’ve never felt that I’ve got loved (by someone in particular), so yeah I wanted to do suicide like a lot or trying to do something bad especially if I was really sad.
One day, I read my #4221 script, an animation short movie script that I worked last year. #4221 stands for the distance between Surabaya, Indonesia to Quezon City, Philippines. Why the Philippines?
Besides I was falling in love with Charice Pempengco’s voice, it’s been my dream to explore and observe ‘why Filipino really like to watch pageant event and support their representative like hardcore fans?’. I’ve failed my final round of being a contributor in one of Indonesia’s largest pageantry news portal.
Then, I met Demara, who asked me about writing a paper. Demara was one of my friend from AIESEC’s Volunteer Program, she made herself as a VP in the local chapter. She’s so talented in leadership, and have been environmental’s and youth’s issue advocate. She had a dream. Being able to write an international published paper and present it. Demara reminds me of my younger self when I’m so passionate about my dream. She’s successfully writing her first paper, but she’s unable to present it because of various reasons. I was sad, but she convinced me to do the same thing like she did. Go to the Philippines to present my paper with Bela.
Dema’s really like to talk about ‘talk to him and you’ll be having no regret anymore’. She told me that I need to able express myself in front of him, one of the reasons I went to the Philippines. I’m introvert, having difficulties to talk in front of people who are not that close to me. Even I’ve been his secret admirer like two years. Such a pitiful confession. My preparation to the Philippines went roughly. A lot of things happened including I lost my phone a moment before depart. But I can’t cry because I realized if I was really sad back to that moment, I was unable to enjoy the Philippines fully, and reflect how I can change to be better.
So, since I lost my phone, I chose to be happy and encouraged Bela that I’m really fine. Try to eat new foods, enjoying Philippines fast food since I’m bit confused about halal food in the Philippines.(My favorite is pineapple juice and banana pie :) ) Then, when I arrived at the University of the Philippines Diliman, Quezon City, I almost cry. Like I remember everything about him and after several hurdles overcome. I tried to motivate myself, to not feel so nostalgic.
The Philippines had been my debut to present my paper abroad even though I’ve been accepted my paper in three countries (counted out Indonesia as my homeland), and published in two countries. My #4210 journey never stop amazed me about how roughly life and how beautiful people if helping each other.
The first thing I learned after landing in Manila was if you’re willing to try it, do it right away. Bela accompanied me through my hardest time before departure, and she did a lot of crazy things (wkwkwk, like forgot to count Ringgit coins as Ringgit, not cents or fill my instastory about her ehem something). We’re almost being lost when we wanted to go to our hotel. Then, again when we’re in the campus, we’re confused using right or left side for a walk since we rely on each other. But we overcame those hurdles by keeping our positivity even though I lost my phone, and almost lost my passport (okay, I admit I’m not that careful).
Back to the topic…
Keeping in mind about whatever shits happened, you need to be positive is really hard, but this journey taught me about my dark side, my flaws. You’ve got frustrated sometimes, but you need to be cheerful because that’s one of your job descriptions. Sometimes, you need to push away your negativity about a particular person and realized that they’re really awesome in their different ways. Philipines taught me very well about positive vibes. If you don’t have a healthy mind, you can not go anywhere in your life.
Next post is …
SUB-QC journey: Why vintage? Why Duterte? (Part 2)